Once upon a time, there existed a magical land called Flooreeduh. This magical land was filled with whimsical creatures, beautiful beaches, and a sun that never seemed to set. One very hot day, a young woman named Goldilocks was walking through one of Flooreeduh’s enchanted forests. Goldilocks tried to stay cool by fanning herself but she could stand the heat no longer. “I must find relief from this heat!” She exclaimed to herself. “I must be suffering from heat exhaustion! I’m talking to myself!”
As Goldilocks continued through the forest, she noticed a clearing ahead. She stumbled through the brush and tumbled into the clearing. Goldilocks stood up and dusted herself off and, as she peered up ahead, she saw three beautiful houses all in a row. “What pretty houses,” Goldilocks said. “Surely I can find relief from this heat there!”
Goldilocks walked up to the first home and knocked but, as she knocked, the door pushed open. “They would have locked their door if they didn’t want visitors,” Goldilocks said.
As she walked into the home, Goldilocks waited for the cool air to embrace her, but alas, she felt no cooler. “How could this be?” She asked as she looked around the room. She walked over to the wall and leaned in to look at the thermostat. The air conditioning wasn’t even on!
“Why, oh, why would this family not have their air conditioning on? It’s so hot outside!” Goldilocks wondered as she cranked the AC to full blast. She sat down at the kitchen table, absent-mindedly going through a small pile of bills and mail that lie before her. “Look at this repair bill. It’s monstrous! This poor family can’t afford to run their AC because their AC company charges so much!” A bead of sweat dripped from her brow onto the bill. “And they didn’t even fix the problem. It’s still too hot in here!”
Goldilocks stood up and headed to the door. “I can’t stay here any longer,” she said as she walked outside, forgetting to shut the door behind her. She hopped the fence on her way to the next house. “Maybe I can find relief in this next house,” she said as she opened the back porch door.
The first thing Goldilocks noticed when she walked in the door was the rush of cool air that enveloped her. “This is magnificent!” She gleefully cheered as she twirled into the living room. As she twirled, she noticed that her eyes were starting to water and her nose began to feel stuffy. And then she was hit by a terrible smell. “Heavens to Betsy!” She coughed, trying not to breathe the stale, dirty air. “Where could that smell be coming from?”
Goldilocks turned her nose to the air and began searching for the source of the offensive odor. Her nose led her to one of the vents blowing out the cold air. “How could this be? Cold air shouldn’t smell like this at all,” Goldilocks choked. “This family has probably never had their HVAC system serviced. I can’t stay here either!”
Goldilocks turned her attention to the final home in the clearing. “This home MUST have quality air conditioning, otherwise I don’t know what I’ll do!” Goldilocks tried the front door, but the door was locked tight. “I must get in,” Goldilocks cried with dogged determination. “No one keeps me from cool air!”
Goldilocks circled the house until she came upon a low window just large enough for her to slide through. As she climbed through the window, she fell to the floor inside with a loud thump, practically knocking the wind out of her lungs. She gasped for air and, as she did, she noticed how fresh and crisp the air was – and cool too!
“This home is just right!” She screamed with glee. “The temperature is perfect and the air is so clean!”
Just as Goldilocks sat down to enjoy the wonderfully fresh air, two policemen thundered into the room and arrested her for breaking and entering. When the police officers took Goldilocks to the station for questioning, she told them about her quest for cool, fresh air. The story leaked to the press and soon everyone in the magical kingdom of Flooreeduh wanted to know how the third house in the clearing came to have such amazing air quality and comfort.
Before long, droves of villagers began gathering outside the perfectly air conditioned house, hoping to find the secret to true comfort. The homeowner, tired of people trampling his lawn, finally went outside to address everyone. The crowd fell silent as the homeowner opened his mouth to speak. “I made sure to research my air conditioning company before hiring them, I schedule regular maintenance, and even do my own part by setting my thermostat to maximize efficiency and give my HVAC system a break when I am not around. Now get off my lawn!”